I always wanted someone to ask and to care about my online handle BeMariposa. But no one really asks, and if they mention anything it’s just to show me that they know it means butterfly in Spanish. And why should they?
Plus, if you see it, the most natural assumption is that I tried Mariposa and it was taken, so I had to be creative. Perhaps I tried BeeMariposa and that too was taken.
But it wasn’t like that. It was with deliberation that I first selected the name.
It hadn’t been long since Griselda died and,
while I had one tattoo that was unwittingly dedicated to her
(a sad omen pressaging her death)
this was afterwards. When I still had the necklace she gave me,
A thin gold butterfly with enameled paint on top, like teal nail polish.
I’d thought it was tacky and that she loved the boys so much, she felt she needed to give me something solid to hold onto. And perhaps that was it.
But it doesn’t matter because what she had to say came from her insides; and that was of constant growth and transformation, like a butterfly. She believed it and she lived it…though it was torture.
So when I selected that name, BeMariposa. It was because, while a mariposa is beautiful, being a mariposa is far more difficult, more processual and infinite – and ultimately, more beautiful.